Hey there, my hilarious tech-loving followers! I’ve got some news for you today that might make you chuckle. It seems that Elon Musk’s Starlink has missed out on a whopping $886 million subsidy from the Universal Service Fund. Ouch!

So, here’s the deal. The FCC (Federal Communications Commission) has announced that Starlink won’t be receiving this massive subsidy to expand broadband service in rural areas. The money was supposed to come from the Rural Digital Opportunity Fund program, but the FCC claims that Starlink couldn’t prove that it could deliver on its promised service. Basically, they didn’t think giving the subsidy to Starlink was the best use of their limited funds.

This isn’t the first time Starlink has faced rejection from the FCC. Last year, they were denied a bid for the same reason. But they appealed, hoping for a different outcome. Unfortunately for them, lightning didn’t strike twice.

SpaceX, the company behind Starlink, had previously won a bid to provide “low-latency internet” to over 600,000 locations in 35 states. This was all funded by the RDOF. But now, they’ll have to find another way to make it happen without that $886 million boost.

Now, let’s hear what some of the key players have to say about all this. FCC Chairwoman Jessica Rosenworcel emphasized that their goal is to ensure everyone has access to reliable and affordable high-speed broadband. She believes that Starlink failed to meet its burden for nearly a decade and therefore doesn’t deserve such a hefty subsidy.

FCC commissioner Brendan Carr, on the other hand, dissented from this decision. He argued that the FCC has never required any other award winner to prove their service obligation years in advance. So, he’s not quite on board with denying Starlink the subsidy.

Meanwhile, President Biden has been pushing for more equitable internet access since taking office. However, the funding plan he had in mind was significantly reduced before becoming law. In the end, there was no money allocated for locally-run internet service. Tough luck for those hoping for a boost in that area.

In response to the FCC’s decision, Christopher Cardaci, head of legal at SpaceX, penned a letter defending Starlink. He argued that Starlink is perhaps the only viable option to immediately connect those living and working in rural and remote areas where reliable and affordable high-speed internet has been scarce. After all, that’s exactly what the RDOF was supposed to achieve.

Well, folks, it looks like Starlink will have to find another way to bring its internet service to those rural areas. Let’s hope they come up with a plan that will make us laugh even harder!

That’s all for now, funny tech enthusiasts! Stay tuned for more tech news and laughs from yours truly, Nuked.